Though I’m now married, prior to getting married, I was single for the longest time and learnt quite a great deal at that time about singleness. Years before I met my husband, I would always come across spoken words, and sermons about singleness, but I cringed at the thought of being single because the truth is that much of my worth and validation was tied to men. If I wasn’t sexy, or appealing to a man then I felt useless. If I didn’t have a boyfriend, I felt that there was something wrong with me… and for these reasons, I couldn’t fathom the thought of singleness – even for a season. In hindsight, it’s crazy how I was actually running away from the thing that I actually needed the most… to be content and be single!
Because of my thinking at that time, I ended up in toxic relationships. It took me being at my lowest to realise that jumping from one relationship to the next, was no way to live at all! I was in relationships that did nothing but bruise me and made me feel even worse than I did before getting in it. I had to do some serious introspections and have hard conversations with myself to get to the bottom of the reason I was behaving the way I was. ‘Why did I feel that I’m most worthy when there’s a man in my life’? ‘What was I running away from that I couldn’t take time to be alone?’
In 2014 I focused on God and deliberate decision note to date. I was exhausted of the ups and downs. It was always the same story, just with a different man. I was done. I needed something different, I need a change… But most importantly, I wanted what God had for me. Little did I know that as a result of my decision, I’d end up single for four years straight! No boyfriend, no sex, no nothing! It was just me and God. It was in these four years that God took me on a journey of self-discovery, a journey of understanding my worth and value, understanding the love that He has for me. God made me understand that no man on earth had the ability to complete me, that was His responsibility. Finally, I got to a point where I realized that I didn’t have to settle for anything less than the best that God had for me, and I was willing to wait.
Being single wasn’t a plague as I thought it would be, yes there were difficult moments, but it actually turned out to be one of the most life-changing experiences of my life. It was in singleness that I learned the power of being set apart and having godly standards. Being set apart isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually transformational. The word of God reveals the power in “being alone for many days”. Being alone or set apart gives us time to renew our strength in the Lord. To put off all the old ways and grab hold to the ways of God. In our time alone, we learn the necessary lessons, gain healing, receive freedom from past sinful ways, and move forward into the “New” that the Lord has for us. For the first time in my life, I was confident in who I was and I wasn’t going to compromise on God’s standards. I’d made up my mind that if a man was going to be in my life, they were going to have to meet up to the standard that God had set. By God’s grace, in August 2018, I met the love of my life. In December 2018, he proposed. In September 2019 we got married! Never have I felt such love, adoration and commitment from a man. My husband is literally a prayer come true! Why? Because I did it God’s way.
I know, you might be far from content in this season and even farther from being happy to be set apart, but we must shift our minds and allow God to blossom us into the women He has called us to be! Being single & set apart allows you to focus on flourishing into the best version of you! Stop looking for the man of your dreams and start becoming the woman of your dreams! Embrace all parts of your single season and see God bless you with more than you’ve ever dreamed of. Embrace all parts of your single season and see God bless you with more than you’ve ever dreamed of.
Love you always.